So. These past three days have not been pretty. I live on routine. And this is just really jarring and annoying to my brain. I'm tired of being stuck in the house, doing hardly anything, and feeling useless. I've played so much Sims, Wii, and Minecraft to last me an entire month. I'm tired of this. It's too cold to do anything, so you're stuck at home doing nothing and feeling worthless. Plus, there's no school the next day, so then your motivation to do anything completely dissipates. And the there's the stress from wondering how the teachers will be able to catch up on all of their lessons. I mean, we're getting almost an entire school week off here, people! That's longer than a lot of actual planned breaks we have... I wanna go back to school. So please, Minnesota, get warmer. Sincerely, Amanda
PS. I found a great song that describes my feelings towards a certain person in my family (except for the last part, where it gets kinda dark). It's called Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Set It Off. It's really strange (reminds of some creepy carnival type movie theme) so listen at your own risk.
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Tell me, have you ever questioned anything? Like, why is the sky blue? Obviously, it's because the light refracts from the particles in the air and the only wavelength we end up seeing is blue. Or, say, why are McDonald's french fries soooo good? Honestly can't relate, but that's because companies have found the perfect blend of salt and fats to create diabetes-in-a-stick. Not me. I have more important things to worry about. For instance: why in freaking hell does society prevail, when all it does is ruin everything we supposedly care about? Tell me, what good has humanity done that makes us worth anything? Oh, I know! We destroyed the planet, started wars, wiped out entire species, killed each other, mowed down thousands of acres of forests, and for WHAT? So we can build hard, ugly concrete cities, and destroy habitats with roads because we're too lazy to even travel? So we can "replace" natural marvels with man made ones, and extinct species with GMOed ones? Tell me how this is better. Please. Because as of right now, I've lost all faith in society. Alone, against the worldI've always been different. Even when I was little, I never wanted to be human. I would act on my impulses so much that I was limited to 15 minutes of "horse time", or, whatever animal I happened to want to impersonate that day. As I grew, I began to long for worlds that were not here, places that didn't exist, societies that were so different from the one we have today it's amazing I could even fathom it. Once I grew out of the animal stage, I started writing. My mind concocted fantastical places and situations, where I was always the hero. I wanted to be more than what society would let me. Even at age 7, I could feel it. I was meant to be something that could never peacefully exist in such a poisoned world as today. I wrote fantasy because I could escape. I wrote it because I had control of that world, I created, I had the power. Power has always belonged to others. That' how our society works. There is always someone better, stronger faster, smarter, fitter, healthier, cuter. It never ends. I don't want a part of that. Most famous writers are famous because their writing has to do with some negative aspect of society. They attacked society where it was darkest, exposing it. Their works are famous. Then why are we still giving in to this shifting, poisoned, multifaceted beast? Because that's how I've come to see society. It is formless, a constantly shifting dark mass of beast, and it gets into people's heads. It poisons their minds, and when they try to fight, it fights back in the worst way possible. Society is so, so hard to escape. It uses those under its power to turn more into its minions, until it can have all the entirety of mankind under its power. And then, it will use them all as it wills. I'm not like these people. I've been fighting society for years. I don;t know why, if it's just my mindset, my upbringing, or even some divine gift that I can see society from the outside. I don;t know. But it sure makes life suck. You see everyone under the influence, each one gripped in society's iron fist, yet you are helpless. You can hardly keep yourself safe- how can you possibly hope to help anyone else? Society is crafty. It pressures and pressures, and too many fall for that trap. And for those who are stronger, like me, it whispers that maybe, just maybe, what if everything I am saying is wrong? What if its all just a product of my challenged mental state, an issue caused by only a simple fissure in the brain, and not by some divine gift from above? Society has been around long enough, and growing fast enough, to know how to hit you where you're weak. It knows how to make you think you're crazy and that maybe the things you see and think are just products of an overactive imagination, combined with depression and anxiety. Or, is it that this awareness CAUSES such ailments? I'm anxious because of society's pressures. Always have to be the best, have to be pretty, smart, funny, beautiful. You have to conform to society's standards. Amd if you don, well, society fights back. You hate yourself. You become isolated, and wonder what's wrong with you. Why doesn't anyone like me? Why am I all alone? Why isn't anybody else like me? It's like that because society wants it to be. You're rejecting society. Everyone else is controlled by society. So who does that leave you with? Their Scope Isn't Big EnoughTheir are so many things wrong with society these days that I'm sure you could count them multiple times over on your fingers, toes, and even hairs on you head. Yes, these problems exist, but we are not getting to the root of the problems. Our scope is too small. We need to address the deeper issue before we can fix the more specific issues, or else they'll just keep appearing, no matter how hard we try to get rid of them. These big issues I'm talking about are simple, yet infinitely complex. People like to ignore them in favor of easier, concrete problems that you can get immediate gratification from, at least in the scope of those problems versus these. What are these core, key problems? Here they are: Sexism |
AuthorAn 18 year old writer, drawer, tea enthusiast, beanie baby collector, INFJ, Pleiadian starseed and high schooler, Amanda enjoys mammals, drawing, and reading. She wants to be an editor, comic artist, alien, and own lots of pets when she grows up. Archives
January 2020
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