Let me say, it's been an eventful month. I got sick, hallucinated A LOT, and am now super confused as to what's rel or not. I feel like I've been in the hospital for a month. Tbh, I've pretty much been sick for a month. Please note that my hallucinations are at an all time high, so none of this may be true.
I've been in the hospital for a while, sick with hallucinations and other health issues. I've been away from my electronics for some time, so I apologize for the writing silence. Even now, tying is hard. But either way, I'm writing this for you guys to show I'm not dead (thank goodness). Some hallucinations (rather, many) were that I was in a hospital, and talking to the doctor. Many hallucinations had me getting things. I hallucinated multiple times that I had more rats, different ones, other rodents etc. Very confusing. Right now I only have one rat, Toast. Hopefully I'll get him a friend that actually exists soon. We've been preparing for something having to do with Mitzi recently, although I forget what. It involved getting another dog I believe (another hallucination), and I'm pretty sure we also went on some walks. I don't really know. I was in the hospital with heart problems after a family vacation, so a lot of this happened when I was in the hospital. Before that, we were on a family vacation. I got pretty badly hurt and ended up in the hospital. I'm okay now (as far as I know) but I had some issue sat the hospital. I recently got a new rat, Toast, because my old rats died. I need to get him a friend. Rats shouldn't live on their own. Everything was really confusing after it "happened", mainly because it DIDN'T. I'm almost positive ll f this was just a hallucination and didn't actually happen. My brain just orchestrated this entire thing while I was asleep, which worries me and makes me think that maybe something IS wrong with me. I'm not in school right now as I WAS sick, but now I din't even know. There's something wrong with me but I don't really know what. Just now I'm remembering my hydrocephalus because of the wrap on my neck, but I don't remember how I got it. My memory is pretty shot right now, and I cam't trust what my dreams tell me. I want to ask, and I really should, because I don't even know anything at this point. Dreams and reality have become blurred, indistinguishable...a hard way to live, really.
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Throughout history and into the 21st century, there has no doubt been a continuous constant when it comes to major religions- Judaism, Catholicism, and Islam, the three largest monotheistic religions in the world. They all are incredibly similar to one another, as illustrated by this chart here. In the United States, Christianity is the largest group of theistic worships. Although that is an umbrella term for the many different eclectic groups that eventually fell out of Catholicism. It can be said that, of the early Christian denominations, Catholicism was and still is the most well known today. This is going to be a series of posts exposing what should have been an infallible religion. Organized religions today are coming under more and more scrutiny as children "break free" of their parents' opinions and forge their own, oftentimes denouncing the gods they grew up under. I myself had been a catholic for 17 years (that's why this series will only be focusing on Catholicism, but nay apply to Christianity as a whole). The irony is that I always prided myself in being devoutly religions, yet there was always something missing, something wrong. I was not raised in a devout, "Shiite" catholic household. We went to church on Sundays and holidays, prayed at dinner, took Religion classes...and yet exactly none of the three children in our family identity as Catholic. So, what went wrong? That instance has been on the rise- children raised Catholic, but that faith quickly fades by the time of adulthood. Even in other religions, such as Jehovah's Witness, where children face estrangement and being disowned if they choose to leave. The Catholic faith relies on the Bible as its infallible guidebook, and priests to interpret it. Even after Vatican II, when masses ceased to be read in Latin (wholly inaccessible unless you were fluent-which was rare) and instead in the congregations' dialect, the church still continues to lose members. There are multiple reasons for that fact, and I will try to address the major and most mainstream reasons for this loss of members. I hope you enjoy this series, and even if your faith is still intact by the end, I hope that I've at least made you think. DisclaimerIn no way am I an expert on the topics I will be covering. Chances are that there will be some false information. I apologize for that; it ids not my intention to lie or misinform at all. All information is as accurate as I know of. This series is as much a look as a memoir of sorts, so the bias will be very strong and hopefully very noticeable, so you are able to see what Catholicism looks like from the eye of a teenager in this day and age. This series is not meant to be anything other than a culmination of observations (however accurate or inaccurate) that hopefully allow you to expand your consciousness and worldview a little. If I offend you, I apologize, but my right of free speech is protected in the Bill of Rights. This is not hate speech. It is not my intention to attack, harm, demonize, humiliate, etc. anyone, whether catholic or not. Et. al.
You ever just get so frustrated because it seems like every person you know is just an ego with feet? That they can't ever seem to be content with what they have and feel the need to always be commenting and noticing others' flaws and mistakes just to make themselves feel better? The people that are so shallow, they don't stand for anything, which makes them easy prey for society to mold however it likes? Yeah. That's most people today. Too many of us are stuck in the cycle of society telling us what to do and what not, what is acceptable and what isn't. We may feel like we have freedom, but do we REALLY? When was the last time you wanted to do something that seemed crazy but decided against it because you didn't want people to see you as "weird" or "odd"? That doesn't sound like free to me. Being truly free is different than believing you are free. At a level, we are all a slave at some degree to society. It is just something we cannot escape as humans- it is in our nature. But too often, we let society define us and our world. To the theist- how do you know God exists? Prove it. To the atheist- how do you know God doesn't exist? Prove it. Everything in life is on a sliding scale, but in the US we are taught to see it as the opposite- left is opposite right, black opposite white, etc. We ignore the gray in between, the fact that good and bad is relative. Each scale varies from person to person, so how can we preach that there is one universal scale when no one can agree on what that is? Even in organized religions, beliefs are never universal. Interpretations vary. How can we be sure anything is real? We can't. As my language arts teacher said on our first day of junior year, "All we know is that we exist". That's it. Our ego tricks us into thinking that we know more than we do. It keeps us from questioning because the brain is afraid of the unknown. The ego instills fear to keep us safe, but no one ever got anywhere by being "safe". The greats were people who were able to overcome their egos and look where no one else was willing. They made the choice to overcome their egos. Overcoming the ego is actually quite easy; making the decision and conscious effort to is the hard part. Life throws many obstacles in our way, trying to keep us in that form of subservience, and we are too unwilling to be master of our own lives that we let ourselves "go with the flow". Going with the flow puts you at the mercy of the universe, and is a choice that we are choosing to not make, giving us unpredictable results. Life does not just hand you lemonade- you have to take your lemons, squeeze them, and then take the extra initiative to get sugar to make the juice worth drinking. Life is not something that we can idly float through- we must take charge of it and make it how we want because as humans that is a power we have. We have incarnated in this body to experience the human physicality, and of all the species that exist becoming human is a very small chance. Why would we throw it away? As humans, we have the ability to do and think things other species cannot, yet too many of us are willing to let every opportunity slide by and not take initiative. This goes for more than just that job or asking that girl out on a date- this is about the universe and your life as a whole. A life without a purpose is not worth living, and it is up to us to give our lives purpose. No one defines that for us. Putting our faith in a God to tell us what to do is just a cop-out to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves. At times, the universe will give you a push, but ultimately it is up to you to respond accordingly and appropriately and take the necessary steps to change your life. You have a purpose, but you must be the one to chose and carry it out, not God, not fate, not anyone but yourself. You hold your own life in your hands, so make use of this rare opportunity to be human and do something meaningful with your essence. You'll likely not get this chance again.
Alright, so as you maybe have been able to tell, I've been kindof stuck in a writer's block rut for the past year or so. It's not I didn't have ideas- I thought they were all so bad that I dreaded sitting down to write them. However, it's now time to suck it up and get past that, so I'll be posting stories and stuff on here more now if you want. I think it keeps me motivated, and I know this site has been kinda slow on the updates for a while...so while you're at it, check out:
I was upset. I didn't want to.
But I didn't really have a choice. Sliding off my shorts, I stepped into the tub. Shivered as my mother slathered my legs with white foam. Waited, trying to keep a brave face, even though inside, I was questioning it all. 15 minutes of my life, wasted, each month. Money, down the drain- literally. I was shaving. I've never done traditional, razor shaving before. I was adamant to only use the stuff that smells horrid and essentially burns the leg hair off. Even from the time OI started, I questioned why I was being forced to go through this ritual. As a woman, it seemed my duty to rid myself of any hair except for the stuff on my head, like it was a sin to have leg hair. That was contrasted with the fact that my dad had hair in every single place it grew, yet nobody ever accused HIM of not shaving. My mom was the most adamant about me shaving, and I know I got on her nerves when I complained. Because to her, I needed smooth skin to be beautiful. I was fed these lies all the time. "You'll never get a boyfriend if you don't shave." Because of my perpetually single status, that one hurt the most. Every look of disgust, of pity- from my own parent. All over leg hair. It hurt. I cried, was angry, hated my body- but I haven't shaved in months. And I'm proud of that. My own mother taught me to hate my body if there was so much as a single hair out of place. She had always told me I had a pretty face, but when it came to exposing my legs, I was hideous until all the hair was gone. I was angry that she needed me to be smooth to think me beautiful. I know it was her own insecurities about leg hair that caused her to be so harsh to me, but that's really no excuse. Treating me like a disgusting monster because I refused to shave did nothing but damage the relationship, until it felt like there was no one else to talk to about it. A fear lingered in my heart- if I told someone, they wouldn't agree, and join the chorus of voices telling me to shave it all off. I almost didn't have a choice in the matter, even though it was My body, and MY hair. I would grin and bear it, but the resentment would build steadily under the surface. Any reason I gave not to shave, they reciprocated with reasons WHY, leaving me to feel more and more ashamed. I hated it. I hated the fact that women were expected to have perfectly smooth, flawless skin, something that could really only be achieved with thousands of dollars spent on laser hair removal. I hated the feeling of shaved legs, the unnatural smoothness, the hard, pointy little stubs as it grew back. Shaving was a never ending cycle, and I just wanted it to stop. The average woman spends almost $8,500 in her lifetime shaving. She wastes 8 weeks of her life getting rid of something that will just grow back. Lots of women defend their shaving with excuses such as liking the smooth feel, thinking leg hair is disgusting, or any other sort of reason. However, I believe that this is not true. Women are taught from birth that women should not have hair anywhere but their head- period. Even before it starts to even grow in other places, they are taught to hate it. It's no wonder so many women hate the feeling of hair on their legs- because they never give it time to grow naturally and actually experience the feeling. All they've had is the hard, pointy little stubs. Same goes for hating the look. In a natural environment, most people probably wouldn't care. But in an age of rigid, unnecessary beauty standards, leg hair is considered ugly, and anyone who disagrees is shamed. Which is incredibly stupid, seeing as we all could be $8,000 richer and have an extra 8 weeks to do whatever we want. Shave shaming is an incredibly destructive force of body shaming, and the stupidest. Body shaming originated from American finally recognizing the obesity epidemic, and that's what it's fueled by. At its core, body shaming has grown from wanting people to be a healthy weight to expecting unrealistic shapes that no human can pull off without any negative effects. Body shaming people who are larger than what is considered "normal" at least has a health related reason. Body hair has none such. Body hair is not dangerous to your health. Body hair is not caused by eating bad foods. Body hair does not cause diabetes, heart problems, or cancer. The main danger in deciding not to shave is- you guessed it- shave shaming. In a world where women are constantly surrounded by unrealistic, gross expectations of their bodies, leg hair is just another nail in the coffin. It serves no purpose except to get you ridiculed, made fun of, seen as disgusting, and being called out by random strangers about your life choices. Parallel this to breastfeeding. People are against it for many of the same reasons. It's considered disgusting by some, unnatural by others, and still something you JUST DON'T DO. Yet why have we been having a push for more rights for mothers who chose to do this? Women are banding together and supporting each other, because they feel THEY SHOULD NOT BE SHAMED PUBLICLY. But guess what? Where are the people that are standing up for those who choose to go Au natural with leg hair, armpit hair, even ARM hair, and no makeup galore? Where are the people who believe that women are beautiful no matter what? Once we get into the hard set beauty standards, perpetuated by companies that sell razors, cosmetics, and other "beauty" products, women lose the sense of who they are. They're bodies that mst look a certain way, follow a certain regimen, just to be "beautiful". And that is where these women go wrong, obliterating their faces with plastic surgery, overshadowing their natural beauty with enough makeup for an army of clowns, shaving and cutting their skin forever because IT IS NEVER SMOOTH ENOUGH. When will ewe release ourselves from this shame of our bodies and learn that we are beautiful without all these superficial things? Women need to get off their own high horses of social insecurity and instead of shaming other women, help them to understand that they are beautiful just how they are. Shaving is unnecessary. So why is is required??? It was the year 3566, known as the common era before the discovery, that a crew of 53 members and over 75 prostitutes left a nuclear and radiation ridden Earth. The journey was sponsored by Kess & Kepler, Co.- a company known for taking advantage of the tumultuous situation on earth and engaging in some...questionably legal...activities. Their goal was to colonize the planet Kepler-438b. While approaching their destination, the ship got pulled into an unseen black hole, where, instead of dying, the crew was warped lightyears into the galaxy away from Earth. After drifting aimlessly for months, their ship suddenly got a reading on an Earth-like planet. Having nothing else to hope for, the crew landed their ship on the planet. It was remarkably Earth-like, and they soon made a small township. Over the next year, they explored what little of the planet they could access, interacting with the species that already existed. The crew had frozen eggs and sperm of many of the most useful animals on Earth, so they attempted to recreate those species on the planet they dubbed “Kerell-807a”. However, strangely, none of those animals were able to survive on Kerell-807a. Only after many failed attempts did the crew accept that the only earth creature that could survive on Kerell was humans. They began looking to the local species for transportation, food, and pelts. It was Year 3 NA when the starship Fantasi exploded. Only 7 people were killed, 30 injured, but the cause of the explosion was a mineral called Techor that reacted negatively with Earth technology. The explosion devastated the small area the humans inhabited, called Frycce, so before their numbers grew even more, the humans, using their newly tamed Laricons, moved their settlement east into a land of plains and trees they called “Eridus”. There, they settled permanently. Years 1-3 had been okay in terms of behavior and violence, as they were all depending on each other for survival, but once they were fairly settled in year 5, hell started to break loose. An intense land grab took place, resulting in a degradation of politics back to a feudal system, mainly run by men. Women, hoping to gain some power for themselves, took to opening brothels, where women could be protected and also make a living. Meanwhile, some of the richer and more powerful sector Lords funded a secret campaign. An underground fighting culture became Eridus’ least kept secret, replenished by the unwanted children borne by brothel workers. The children were raised to do two things: be obedient to the death of their masters, and to fight like their lives depended on it when instructed to- which, it did. Meanwhile, the scientific community was occupied discovering all the capabilities of Techor, which essentially replaced any previous technology still remaining from the Fantasi explosion. It was first Radogen Tarot who had the game-changing idea that revolutionized an entire bloodsport. The eggs and sperm of Earth animals were practically useless on its own, but, seizing the best minds he could find, Radogen tasked them with attempting to combine the animal genes with the children that were used to fight in order to gain an advantage. In Year 7 NA, the first successful human-animal hybrid, dubbed an “Amano”, fought in the CFR (child fighting rings). It wasn’t long, just a few months into Year 8 NA when Radogen’s discovery became known, and then the ball was sent rolling. The Tarot clan profited immensely until soon, anyone with the money and influence could buy or create their own shapeshifters. It was the Procreation Panic of Year 9 NA when the sperm and eggs ran out. Quickly, owners had to switch from ordering by letter to breeding themselves or buying from breeding facilities at exorbitant prices. While CF (child fighting) was still wildly popular for the common man, AF (Amano fighting) was a new bloodsport after child owners realized how outclassed they were by the hybrids. While still fairly new, AF was quickly growing, and the amount of Amanos was increasing at an incredibly fast rate. Aging twice as fast as humans until age 13, where they reverted to normal aging before aging twice as slow at age 30, Amanos reproduced rapidly, with a gestation of only 99 days until birth. It’s estimated that only 350 surviving Amanos were created from the original genetic material by Year 9 NA, but by Year 14, over 4,000. Amanos existed amongst humans. Everything had seemed to be going perfectly for the now almost 6,000 humans, but in Year 15 NA, revolution broke out. The Amanos, outnumbered by the humans and helped by Amano sympathizers, rose up. Many managed to escape, while others were recaptured. Only a few were killed, as they were still quite expensive. The major losses happened in the breeding facilities, while the most minor occurred with the young, broken children who had lived in the rings their entire life. Being much better suited to the wild than humans due to their animal characteristics, the Amanos were able to find new habitats across Kerell-807a. With the help of outlawed sympathizers, they became literate, advanced, and the gene pool became more diluted as they mated with the pure humans, creating a melting pot of genetics. Per their differences, they split into groups and lived much like the humans did, with different species of Amano living in different habitats and clans. The years came and went, and soon there were very few pure humans living in the Amano clans. Occasionally, new purebloods would join after being outlawed, bountied, or getting in trouble in the human clans. Some joined out of fascination, while others came to bring news and support the freedom of a species that they felt responsible for creating. Eventually, the wild Amanos’ genetics became incredibly varied due to natural mutations from being in nature, while the captive Amanos occasionally suffered defects or failed to birth children with improved genes. Their masters getting ambitious, they let their arrogance lead them into a raid against the wild Amanos, which at this time were rumored to outnumber the humans greatly. In Year 22 NA, as expected, the lobby for new genes ended in many dead humans and only a few captured Amanos, not at all enough to make up for the human casualties. An uneasy stalemate remained for many years, still there today. Attempts have been made to establish peace, but all have ended on the verge of unwanted war. The number of humans present in Eridus equaled about 32,000 in Year 25 NA and Amanos were totaled (estimated based on previous birth rates) a close 30,000.
This argument came about because my mom believes that I should shave for our trip to Arizona, even though I haven't shaved for months and don't plan on doing it any time soon. Please stop shaming women for this dumb reason.
The arguments for shaving are really nil. Saying that it looks ugly is just a beauty standard that women should not have to follow to be considered "beautiful". If the tides were turned, those who shaved would be the ones looking like fools. No one should look like a fool, so just accept that people have hair other places besides their head and get over it. Secondly, why is it okay for men to have hair, but socially unacceptable for women? That's because the beauty standards are different, which leads to more sexism and gender stereotyping. The other reason people like shaving is the feeling of their legs. This one gets a little dicey, but if hairy legs weren't such a no-no I feel like it wouldn't be as big as an issue. Besides, no one likes the spiky, painful pointy hairs of growing leg hair, so your leg really only stays feeling nice for a few days. As for not shaving, you save money (razors and cream), time, your skin (from being nicked/cut), water, and you gain body confidence by going against what is considered "normal". Do what you want, not what society says you should. And besides, even though girls are always like, "Eww, I have leg hair! I need to shave!", a lot of guys find body hair like that attractive. Unless you're lesbian, shaving to get a crush's attention may very well backfire. Don't let the premise of "If you want a boyfriend, you need to shave. Guys don't like leg hair" have any meaning for you. Any guys who don't like you because of some perfectly natural hair doesn't deserve a strong woman like you and is only a shallow loser. Any guy who truly likes/loves you will not care if you have leg/armpit hair or not. Take love and attraction advice from the sex that you're attracting, not your already married mother that hates leg hair and believes she's unattractive without it. Having leg and arm hair is a strong message that you are a confident woman who has total self-confidence and is willing to go against the grain and stand up for what you believe in. Anyone who truly cares about you will not care if you have hair or not. Besides, leg and arm hair are natural. No one can blame you for growing it. It's not under your control, but what you do with it is. Don't let society tell you that any part of your body is not beautiful. Hey all, this isn't really a super important post, but like a post I did before about how my people drawing changed over time, this one will be how my wolf drawing changed over time in honor of my new comic "Patriarchy". Sorry for the long run on sentence :P Welp, I thought there were more images, but :/ At least I've obviously improved The prison yard
Is a miserable place Home, but then not My heart longs free But tyranny keeps it locked Inside a crystal cage Of unbreaking despair It cannot fly free With you there For why should the jailed Love his jailer? Or the hunted Love his hunter? For why then Would such roles exist Only for the one to love the other The latter Love the former? As is oppress Lies blood Does blood not bond Protect Or decide? But even blood Can become tainted Your blood Tainted? Surely so For no rest comes When a tyrant as you stride Over men's faces Eyes turned up Away from the knowledge that empowers Do you realize Your effect? I tell you, I beg Think of others Think of me **** ****** by blood Does my age make you my senior? Or my apt You my Superior? Why then am I oppressed If the power is mine Locked deep inside I have swallowed the key And as payment I am locked But how far can the will press Before it will burst? How far will you push me Until I fight back? Love has long left us You are a mystery Even to my begot She asks I respond “?” I do not know you Yet you are in my bones An unwanted crack Fatal, but not A pest of voice “Stop!” You cry My ears are not deaf Not my heart wild Instead, I am chained The ass does not love the whip Nor I the tongue So my voice remains Locked away Deep inside The fear has kept me From single notes of scorn From tunes of pain Songs of death But already I have died No notes issue From my mouth of lead No voice From a throat long dead And it will stay Until I ride Shake off my chains And roar: “You are not ** ******. You are my jailer.” From love of one Arose to hate The serpent reared You took his bait And now this one In two will break Maybe its best For us to part The scars are there On mind in heart I trusted you Credit was won But killed as fast Blood red did run With shaking heart Irregular hand The scourge you brought Did scourge the land A day a week No less, no more And yet you left Abandoned chore Left was I Me and myself Broken spirit Perfect health Admiration, love, and joy Hath now been caught Killt by your ploy I thought you fair I thought you right I thought you wrong So shed this plight A coward strong With tricks and trade In my heart A home you made But a harsher sting Was felt from you I no longer know The things you do Trust is lost Dust and dead Wind blows past My fiery head Fire lights And fire burns Consuming all Your wretched words You I spurn. |
AuthorAn 18 year old writer, drawer, tea enthusiast, beanie baby collector, INFJ, Pleiadian starseed and high schooler, Amanda enjoys mammals, drawing, and reading. She wants to be an editor, comic artist, alien, and own lots of pets when she grows up. Archives
January 2020
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