Nobody cares about me.
It sounds harsh, and it is. At least, to me, it seems that way. I am constantly ignored, alone, and agitated. I was home sick today and texted one of my friends to tell my other friend (who I don't have the number of) to tell them I say hi. The friend's response? "He doesn't care." Feeling the tears start to press as anger built in my chest, I quickly opened up my computer for some Sims to keep the fuming at bay. After my sim had adopted another horse (smart move? Now she's almost broke), I quit and thought about my crappy life some more. Realizing that no one was gonna be there for me but God, I grabbed my Bible and, holding my breath, flipped to a random page. Now, I had done this multiple times before, and pretty much every single time the passage that I opened to was in complete sync with why I was reading the Bible in the first place. The passage I opened to was when Zechariah is told that he is going to have a son, John. What stood out to me most though, is the fact that at the beginning, the passage states, "Both were righteous in the eyes of God, observing all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blamelessly. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren and both were advanced in years" (Luke 1:6-7). I felt the couple's pain. I was a good person, smart, kind, friendly, never mean or cruel, yet why did no one care for me? Why didn't I have someone besides family who always was happy to see me, always wanted to listen, always acted like they cared? It seemed a cruel irony that we both did our best to serve the Lord, even when others didn't, and yet we were unhappy. After said passage, though, an angel appears to the couple and tells them that they will have a child because God has seen their struggle. That was a revelation for me. My life was crappy as heck. Yet here essentially came an angel in the form of the Bible saying, hey, guess what, God's gonna reward you now! Immediately, I was comforted, because I realized that it was as if the passage were speaking to ME. I was Elizabeth and Zechariah, wanting something that seemed impossible to have, and yet suddenly here is God, telling me that he will give me what I want! Immediately I was at peace. God was watching over me. Now, I'm just a little concerned about what my punishment for not believing in him in the first place will be (hopefully something more lenient than losing my speech until my life improves, haha). John and Me This passage got me thinking, and I realized something very interesting: John the Baptist and I seem very alike. Instead of being normal, John wore camel's hair clothes and ate locusts. He was, to say the least, weird, yet he had no shame. All of it was for God. He knew who he was compared to God, and accepted his fate. John took up his cross and embraced it. He rejected society to follow God. Like John, I don't follow society. I can see how corrupt it is; I experience it every day. It's sickening and saddening to see what popular culture is doing to people these days. There is a growing movement away from the church, or towards churches and faiths that change with the time. I once saw a quote somewhere that basically said, "Society does not exist to change religion. Religion exists to change society." Besides being so accurate, this quote really rings true for me. I am the most devout Catholic in my family, and I rely on God for a lot. Like John, I am doing my best to reject society. Society is corrupted. God is not. I want to follow John's example, buck society, and take up my own cross. With God's help, I hope I get there.
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AuthorAn 18 year old writer, drawer, tea enthusiast, beanie baby collector, INFJ, Pleiadian starseed and high schooler, Amanda enjoys mammals, drawing, and reading. She wants to be an editor, comic artist, alien, and own lots of pets when she grows up. Archives
January 2020
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